worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
