i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
