glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
