she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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