You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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