**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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