I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
