I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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