you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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