New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
