There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
