Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
