70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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