Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
