I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
