youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize