watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
