Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I pour the whiskey from now on
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
