you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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