college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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