I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
