I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
