i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
