Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
