the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
