week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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