Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize