so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
