Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
