the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
