Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.