And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
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i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND