i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.