How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
