i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
