The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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