he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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