I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
