why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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