Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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