did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize