meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
