he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's always time for handjobs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
