just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
