My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
