Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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