she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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