I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
