drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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