i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
