Sponge bath it is.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I want to have your abortion
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
