Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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