I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Houston, we have a squirter
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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