If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
