I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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