i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
