I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
