Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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