Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
