you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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