plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
