Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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