I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
home. puking in laundry basket.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
