dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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