I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
