I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
