two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize