Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
