Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
