After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
