Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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