Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
