I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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