Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i dont even know how to be here
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize