I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
