Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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