Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
