Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
