i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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