Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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