shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So. Much. Porn.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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