I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
